Sunday, April 10, 2005

My new friends...

I’ve got some new friends.

William Zuma from Swaziland; Mrs Janet Komoah from Ghana; Mrs. Grace Edward from Botswana; Brother Jeff Ikey from Zimbabwe; Mrs. Susan Shabangu and now Deacon Allen from Nigeria. They are just so nice – in fact they have offered me up to 56 million USD. Their friendship knows no bounds. They are really trying so hard, trying to get to know all about me, asking how the family is, trying so hard to align themselves to my life. They truly are becoming buddies. Empathetic listeners wanting to share my life. Interested in its twists and turns.

It all comes from a change of heart that I have had about well-known emails from Africa promising untold riches. Instead of deleting them I have decided to answer.
“I could not accept any further blessings from your lovely continent, God has blessed me in many ways that I can not take your money. You see in the last month I have had a Nigerian, Zimbabwean, someone from Ivory coast, Botswana and now Swaziland all donate millions of pounds to my ministry. I am waiting to receive millions of USD. Surely I should donate money to your cause when the money has become available. When it arrives I will send you some. Please contact me to arrange details of the transaction.”

My new friends seem to be worried for me. William for instance has been quite insistent that I be aware of people in Africa who ‘are of the scam’. He is quite worried for me. You see I am now his friend. He really seems to care for me and is looking out for my greater good. My new friend William is really bothered. I am too trusting of those saying they are Christians. Beware - he truly is my friend. He wants to send his family to live with me I am such a good friend.

I make each successive email more ridiculous, my last one to William after he again warns me of those of the scam - even Christians - and how he would love to speak to me by telephone.
“I am still unclear - I am aware of Prince Andrew Mwolo of Nairobi he removed substantial amounts of money on receipt of bank details. But he did not presume to be a follower of our Lord. Please friend, beware of Prince Andrew Mwolo I think he has the scam. I am aware of him. But the following - Mrs Janet Komoah; Mrs. Grace Edward from Botswana; Brother Jeff Ikey and Mrs. Susan Shabangu all testify to faith in our Lord who walked our earth and rode upon the holy ass. Do you suggest that they do not testify to faith in our Lord? Are you suggesting that they are of the scam?

If they are I must make urgent arrangements - as I have many in our sect who rely on the money they promise.

Please - I risk my life by contacting you. The Urban Boobar our great earthly leader forbids contact with the world - I am restricted to contacting you via webmail from an account set up in my former way of sin life. We deny the world through no alcohol, tobacco, frozen orange jubilies and the phone only in exceptional circumstances.

It is safer for me to contact you.

Ok a waste of time but I’ve read of suicides locally of people taken in these scams, that have been sucked into giving over bank details and have lost everything, lives ripped apart – so if I waste a bit of their time well please forgive me.

I’ve noticed that these people want to make friends with me but as soon as I don’t fit the bill – and quite obviously think I am mad – they don’t want to know. As soon as my bank details are not forthcoming – I’m dropped. They move onto their next conquest.

Ever heard of friendship evangelism?


Mitch said...

Sort of takes the love right out of it when you see it spelled out on paper. :(

Gordon said...

thanks for the link mitch - you are right the love is right out of it!