I try to understand....

You need to know Sid and Maureen….

Sometimes all you can do...

"…and what about you…how are you?" There is no answer, I continue to drive but look at Maureen. Her look is resolute on the road ahead, but I can see her heart is breaking. I try to understand what is coursing through her emotions. It’s difficult, you see I can’t get close to imagining what it must feel like to not be able to cope with looking after your husband anymore. I can’t get close to imagining what it must’ve been like to decide that your husband couldn’t come home. I can’t get close to imagining what it must have been like to say it is time that Sid goes into a home.

Sid schizophrenia has worsened. He’s been on a secure ward in a hospital for months a slight improvement means he needs to be discharged but Maureen has decided that he can’t come home. So we are on the way to visit him in his new flat within a special complex.

I glance at Maureen, the silence of seconds feels like minutes, her mouth forms the words but nothing. I put my hand on her arm and in my weakness try to minister, try to be there with her, try to feel what she feels.

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